Spreading Your Wings: Finding Yourself and Communicating with Adults

For Teens…

“Who am I?”

Being a teenager is stressful and fun at the same time. Many of the teens I talk to juggle multiple responsibilities as a student, a child, a friend, and/or a teammate. This is a transformative time in life when you and many teens like you start asking yourselves: “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be?”

Here are 3 tips to help you on your journey:

1. Embrace your uncertainty.
   You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do. In fact, most people don’t know have the answer to that when they graduate from high school or even college. In fact, many older adults decide to switch careers or make huge life changes down the road. Keep in mind: you have time to figure things out. Don’t get bogged down deciding your future now. Focus on your current responsibilities and allow life to unfold as it happens.

2. Find your comfort zone.
   Think back to when you were 7. What did you want to be when you grew up? What did you like to do? What about when you were 10 or 13? Take some time to think about what makes you special. Your likes, dislikes, hobbies, and interests will change as you evolve as a person. Give yourself the opportunity to really know yourself by trying new hobbies and activities, and hone in on what makes you happy.

3. Focus on the present moment.
   If you get overwhelmed with thoughts about the future, grab a pen and paper and write down a few of your worrisome thoughts. Once you see them in writing, make a list of short-term solutions you can start working on now. Prioritize the ones that require immediate action. For example, if you have an application that is due soon, tackle that first. Take it one task at a time.

​You may feel like you are alone with the seemingly impossible task of finding yourself, but don’t forget: you can ask for help! It’s important to turn to a trusted adult or counselor when you need advice or even just someone to talk to. Most adults are happy to offer their support. However, you may find yourself asking another big question…

“How do I communicate with adults?”

As a teenager, interacting with adults can sometimes be awkward. The generation gap can make it feel like you’re living in separate worlds—like you really can’t relate to each other. Your parents play a huge role in your life but not in the same way they did just a few years ago.

Here are 3 tips to help you communicate and deal with your parents, teachers, relatives and strangers:

1. Don’t feel pressure to share everything. Many well-meaning adults will ask you about your dreams, goals, and plans for the future. It is their way of engaging you in conversation and showing that they care, but it can feel like a lot of pressure. Remember: you don’t have to share everything, and you don’t need to have all the answers. You can change the topic by talking about what you’re studying or doing right now. Or, ask them questions to shift the focus of the conversation.

2. Be open to what the adults in your life have to say. Ask them questions about what it was like when they were teens. Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, they probably know what you’re going through. By communicating with the adults in your life, you can gain a lot of helpful insight from someone who’s been there before. Of course, you can choose to take away what works for you and leave what doesn’t.

3. When life is tough, turn to an adult you can trust. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a parent or guardian. If you feel more comfortable talking to a friend’s mom, a school counselor, or a relative, share your thoughts and feelings with them. They may be able to give you the guidance and support you need.